Videos – Fatuous

The only way today’s picture could be classed as interesting was if the candy can was being used as a kinky double entry “toy” by a young lady.

It isn’t so it’s handy I have a back-up story.

I was in town today so I decided to pop into Woolworths to see if they had anything left. 2/3rds of the shop was empty but more importantly they were actually selling bits of the shop itself, shelves, racking, that sort of thing. I saw one guy with one of those little things with wheels on that you push around and stand on to reach high shelves. We had one in the school library when I was a little kid. I used to pretend it was R2D2 and try a wheel it around without being told off by the librarian.

Fortunately they had another one for sale at the back of the shop so for 15 quid I now own a bit of Woolies.

I look forward to using it to reach tall things without having to get the ladder out, not just pretending I have a tiny robot at my beck and call. I’ve named it “Little Don Estelle” after the diminutive star of one of the old Woolies ads from my childhood which thanks to the joy of the intertubes you can relive in super-grainyvision.

[youtube]http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=hX2Ha6ZDA4w[/youtube]

The smoking ban is now complete across the UK but let us not forget the trailblazer in the world of stopping smoking, airlines.

Sometime ago airlines decided that being stuck in a tiny space full of smoke was a bad thing. This was a good thing for non-smokers. This was a bad thing for tall smokers like myself who didn’t relish the idea of being stuck for 14 hours in a confined space full of screaming kids, wankers who put the seats back, makeup smeared women who like to bang your funny bone with a metal trolley every ten minutes with only a broken telly and repeats of Mr Bean to replace the craving for sweet, sweet nicotine.

Hurray then for Ícaro airlines who have decided to take our minds off lighting up with scantily clad ladies (link no longer active sadly). It’s a classic piece of replacement therapy. Every time you get a craving to pop a cigarette in your mouth along comes a lovely with something better for you to crave popping in there.

Hopefully we can see other trades replacing smoking in this way. It’d certainly make my local a better place and I might even enjoy going to work if that was on offer.

Now I’m not a sexist man so it’s only fair they put on some hunks for the women and gay men to oggle. Just make sure their undies aren’t too small. Nobody wants one-eyed trouser snakes on a plane.