Nom nom nom

Great story in The Sun today. Here are some of my favourite bits.

The trainee nurse and a pal plumped for FOURTEEN chicken pieces, SIX bags of fries and large COKES after driving to their local branch.

Plumped, very clever. She’s a trainee nurse, who’s her pal Gillian McKeith?

They spent an hour and a half scoffing the 5,456-calorie feast. Days later regular customer Natalie got the fine in the post for breaking the restaurant car park’s 75-minute limit.

Breaking the seats more like. Regular customer I bet she’s very regular. Her turds come pre-greased.

Natalie — who eats at KFC three times a week — complained to restaurant bosses that she was unaware of signs warning of the time limit in Huddersfield, West Yorks.

She has failed to see the sign despite being there 3 times a week. Is her vision impaired by the rolls of fat that must be hanging off every inch of her body? Or is she effectively blind when the “chicken mist” descends.

“The 75-minute time limit is designed to accommodate our customers who generally eat for about 30 minutes.”

KFC isn’t fine dining. You don’t spend a pleasant evening with good company. You tend to throw grease down your neck quickly before going on to do something else. She had been chucking the Colonel’s greasy wares down her neck for over 75 minutes! I bet her arms where like something off a vet’s program just before they check on Daisy’s unborn calf.

The picture with the article shows a woman who looks exactly like you’d expect. I just couldn’t resist a bit of tampering.