Ah isn’t it lovely, the first Australian baby elephant is due to be born.

But wait, it’s not lovely because the mother is some dirty under-age slapper.

But the news sparked an uproar, with the RSPCA and the Greens MP Lee Rhiannon both accusing the zoo of recklessness by allowing an underage elephant to mate.

I’m sorry but if you ask me it’s reckless to stand in the way of two elephants about to get jiggy. It also neglects to mention if Thong Dee, yes even the name makes her sound like a stripper, is currently wearing her trunk in a top knot.

Mr Williams said the father, Gung, had been mating with all the females. “He’s at them all the time. He came on second flight [of elephants]. He got off the flight, had a drink, and mounted Thong Dee.”

Smooth bastard. It’s like the gang of lads landing in Ibiza, grabbing a few beers and then getting nuts deep in a nearby slapper before everybody else has collected their luggage. He probably back in the bar right now getting the other elephants to sniff his trunk.