It’s a double whammy of lies and deceit on UK television this past week. First it was Liz in a tizz over photo biz. The impression was that the Queen stormed out of a photo shoot after being asked to remove some of the bling. It later turned out that the storming bit had happened before the photo shoot. So was she storming to the photo shoot instead? Are her crown jewels really cheap, was she rushing to the photo shoot before her crown turned green and gave her a nasty rash?
That was bad enough but the real shock falsehood came later.
It turns out that pug faced, walking swear box Gordon Ramsay didn’t catch his own fucking fish! They hired a fisherman to catch fish beforehand in case Gordon didn’t catch enough. Amazing, a fisherman to catch fish, crazy idea.
Instead of being very still and quiet whilst trying to catch the fish Gordon wasn’t seen waving his arms violently shouting “get in the fucking net you wanky, useless, gilled shitflakes before I punch your cunting fins off.”
Of course in the old days Floyd would have spent all of 10 minutes in a boat taking the piss out of some French sailor mate of his whilst drinking copious amounts of rum before cutting back to the kitchen to show him shoving something he scraped off the bottom of the boat into a huge pan whilst slurring abuse and in-jokes at the camera.
Maybe the reason Gordon couldn’t catch any sea bass was because they were all on the seabed drinking like a Floyd.
For the record, I’d like it stated that whilst I didn’t invent these words I didn’t employ somebody to go out before me and catch them and they are in the same order they originally fell out of my head. This is especially obvious in the long rambling sentence about Floyd.