Inane Banter

A Question of Etiquette

I have a quandary that occurred last week at the gym.

What is the correct way to respond to seeing an elderly gentleman naked and spotting that his gonads are frankly wrong?

I’m no medical doctor but I do possess a pair myself and with the internet you’re probably never more than two clicks away from plummage even if you don’t want to see it. However even my amateur knowledge are advanced enough to know that each one should be roughly the size of a baby’s head. Once I’d clapped eyes on these monsters my mind started racing, had nobody ever told him they weren’t natural, had his wife never seen another pair before and assumed they all looked like that, had the man never ejaculated in his life before, should I suggest he see a doctor, had he seen me staring, could he even sit down or cross his legs, had he read Buster Gonad, did he have a wheelbarrow, how on earth did he run at the gym?

What is the correct polite response? I just got changed and walked away still none the wiser and I’m scared to google to find out just in case it comes with images.

Inane Banter

Flicking Cars Over for Fun and Profit

There were some special visitors at my local gym last week. There was a heat of the UK’s Strongest Man taking place nearby over the weekend and they were all in the cafe area. It made my workout seem futile as I wheeled around the corner to be confronted by about ten brick shithouses all gathered together chatting about nutrition.

In many ways watching the World’s Strongest Man is like accidentally flicking onto one of those preview programmes for a porn channel after the other half has gone to bed. It’s too loud, the best are Scandinavian and it’s ultimately pointless but at least you get to see some huge tits wobbling about.

As I left the gym I noticed the wives loading the luggage onto the tour bus.

Inane Banter

Gym Slip-Up

I was at the gym the other day that upset me somewhat.

It wasn’t the notice pointing out that the gym was stopping filling the shampoo dispensers right next to the shiny, new machine selling shampoo that just happened to spring up about the same time they stopped filling the dispensers.

It wasn’t the ripped pair of pants that seem to be discarded in the changing room on a weekly basis. I’m not sure if lots of men are wearing pants that are dangerously close to collapse and that a vigorous workout is a sufficient tipping point. Or it might be one man whose ball sweat has the chemical structure as concentrated acid. Whoever the owners of these pants were they had decided, as always, the best place to put broken pants isn’t in the gym changing room bin, or to hide them in a sports bag to be disposed of at home but to leave them in a crumpled heap on the floor so others may gaze on their sweaty, broken majesty.

It wasn’t the men who don’t have that little voice inside their heads. The little voice that says, “we all like chatting with friends, who doesn’t, however most of us don’t do it less then one foot away from said friend, talking loudly, naked, hands on hips with cock thrust proudly forwards.”

That man was there, mid-way between the abandoned pants and the shampoo vending machine but he wasn’t the problem either. The problem was on the bench right next to where I had placed my bad. Here in the middle of a busy men’s changing room was an empty box. The box itself wasn’t worrying, the words on the box however were.

“Sports Bra”

My mind raced with the possibilities. Somewhere in this building could well be a very short-sighted women. A women so short-sighted that she hadn’t seen the large, rather torn, pants or seen the man’s cock despite his best thrusting efforts. She had managed to get changed without noticing any of this and had then gone training. Worse, still she could now be showering and about to return to right next to where I was standing.

Even worse, it could be a man. A man so large his body required the support of a sports bra while exercising. A man of that size coming back from a run, dripping in sweat, pulling back his shirt to reveal his moobs straining at a bra was not a sight I wanted to see.

Worse still was now the possibility that someone would come and get changed next to me, see the box and assume I like wearing bras. I don’t and if I did I think I’d go for a lacy little number with a pretty bow on it, but I don’t and anyone who says otherwise is a liar.

I was tempted to use the camera in my phone to capture proof of this box. I then realised the one thing worse than all of that would be a man taking a picture of a box with a bra on it whilst a man stands in the background thrusting his cock about.