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Advent

Advent 2010 – Day One (and a bit)

I haven’t been able to get a crappy advent calendar again this year due to a stupid illness that has left me with a face off of George Romero’s prop department, blinding headaches, the inability to look at computer screen for more than 10 minutes and bowel movements that can best be described as vociferous.

It looks like year will be more hasty tat thrown together at the last second. I’m working under the assumption that rock stars write their best stuff on drugs and that as I’m on five prescription drugs the gold will just flow out. I’m not sure Lennon wrote “I am the walrus” clutching his head and pebble-dashing the toilet. Still, I never shacked up with Yoko Ono, swings and roundabouts.

Today’s (yesterdays technically) advent treat was supposed to be a drawing but it was shocking bad as were the next six or so. You’ll just have to make do with this rambling nonsense instead.

I’m off to bed now and I’ve just eaten a cashew nut. What sort of drug crazed loon eats a slow release energy food just before bedtime?

v.ociferous

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Advent

Advent 2009 – Day 7

There is a campaign on Facebook to try and get “Killing In The Name” by Rage Against The Machine to number one instead of whichever song Cowell tries to butcher.

Obviously these sorts of things get a bit of press but ultimately fail. It’s a shame as in my youth I enjoyed the delicious irony of standing in a field with thousands of other people shouting “Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me” as much as the next man. Or the next thousand men for that matter.

There is only one way the scheme could possibly win. Somebody bundle Jedward into a studio and get them to record it. I’d pay good money to hear the little haircunts growling “Motherfucker!”

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Advent

Advent 2009 – Day 6

It wouldn’t be Christmas without the pointless Christmas number one. As if the fact that nobody buys singles any more wasn’t enough to devalue the chart along comes the gigantic talent vacuum called the X Factor to make sure only the blandest, most insipid, wanky old horse-piss gets to number one.

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Advent

Day One

It’s a balmy summer afternoon, you’re sitting in the air-conditioned meeting room, you and fellow designers are coming up with the advent calendar that’s going to make you rich this Christmas.

It’s day one, what do you put behind that window? You don’t want to peak to quickly and put the baby Jesus there. His time will come. You want to hint at the good times ahead but at the same time you don’t want to get the kids too excited. Put a present there and the little brats are going to be screaming for the next 24 days.

This is where careers are made and lost. You glance at your notes, swallow your pride, stand in your designer suit and pitch like you’ve never pitched before.

“What about a mouse in a Christmas hat playing the bugle?”

Join me tomorrow to find out what’s behind door 2. Maybe it’s a transvestite crow performing in a ska combo?