Inane Banter

Swear O’Clock

Here in the UK we have a TV, and I presume radio, watershed. Before this set time swearing and nudity can’t be shown. This being the UK and not the rest of Europe this basically means there’s a bit more swearing and the minute possibility of a flash of breast about twice a year (not in fact a flask of hot steamy breast as the post originally said, thank you Dr Spam). This watershed is to protect the kiddiewinks and presumably other people who like to go to bed early. I like to imagine vicars get tucked up in bed with the bible around 9pm and everybody knows that old women go to bed around 8pm just so they can start pottering around at four in the morning.

There are a couple of things that bother me about the watershed though. The first is the time, not the 9pm time as that sounds relatively reasonable to me. My problem is what time does the watershed end? I’d imagine you could get a fairly racy film on at four in the morning but I’d be shocked if there was a torrent of swearing at six in the morning. Is six the cut-off point?

Secondly why is it time based? Surely it should be based on the audience? Big Brother is on after nine but, let’s face it, only appeals to children and the mentally challenged but it’s full of swearing. The money programme is on at an earlier hour but I doubt anybody under the age of 40 actually watches it. Songs of praise is on early Sunday evening but it’s average viewer age must be 70+. I think it should be perfectly reasonable for Aled Jones to exclaim, “Welcome to motherfucking Twunterberry cathedral, isn’t she a cocking beauty?”

Radio 4 could, in fact, sound like a Quentin Tarrantino film with no fear of upsetting a single child’s ears. Come on the Today Show, call Brown a wanker when he next dodges a question. I know Cameron is a twat, you know Cameron is a twat, let’s not hold back Charlotte Green, call him a twat to his little twatty face.