Day Six

I was just settling down to a nice quiet Saturday night in. The beer was going down smoothly, telly was relaxing and I was looking forward to a few games on the PS3 later.

Shit, I’d forgotten the advent. I went upstairs and started the computer. I had put away the “good” camera which takes a bit of time to set up so I thought I’d dig out the compact to save time whilst the PC was starting. The compact’s battery was very low but still had a bit of juice however it’s lens is useless at close up photos. So off I traipsed to get the other camera out and set it up. I did that and noticed my computer screen was blank. Yet again it seems that vista has screwed up my security files which stops it booting. Switching it off forcibly and rebooting it gets it going again slowly then a few days later it happens again.

Finally the PC and the camera are ready. I open up day six.

It’s a fucking bauble. After all that a stupid little bauble. Even the mouse and rabbit, creatures rarely seen together, have gathered to look at the bollocking bauble in contempt.

Useless glassy balls of air.


Day Five

It’s 1979, your first holiday abroad and you’ve got one of those fancy little compact cameras. You snap many memorable scenes, a straw donkey, a waiter pouring wine from really high up using a silly jug, Dad asleep on a lounger after too many sangrias, a cockroach etc. When you get hope you pop the film into a little envelope and send it off to prontoprint and wait. When the photos finally come back you open them up and discover that due to the viewfinder being slightly higher than the lens you’ve managed to chop the top of everybodys’ head off.

Not a problem with an SLR and not you’d assume a problem when you are drawing something for inclusion in an advent calendar. The “artist” didn’t send his pen off to prontodraw and then get the pictures back two weeks later to discover he’d forgotten his eyes were higher than his pen. Yet looking back at every window so far the tops have been chopped off. This wasn’t so obvious when we had the excitement of animals wearing hats but it must have registered in my subconscious yesterday with the tree and now with this Christmas cake it’s bloody obvious.

I can’t wait for the first angel that gets it’s halo chopped off.