Advent 2010 – Day Seven

Who decided that “carrot and stick” was a good way to represent reward and punishment? Even in deepest, darkest Soviet Russia a carrot wouldn’t be seen as a very good reward. It’s only a tiny step up from a “non-stick and stick” reward.

Surely “nice chocolate cake and gun” would be better or to take it to it’s extreme, “a gazillion quid and death by tiny, horny sharks with STDs”.

Wait, it’s erm, an advent post, erm… What about a “hand wrapped gold bar and tinsel covered stick up the arse” situation, would that do?

Food Inane Banter

What’s white and sticky?

I was eating in a sainburys cafe the other day when something on one of those triangular advertisement bits of cardboard caught my eye.

World’s first milk in a stick

Who was the person who sat down and thought, “you know what’s wrong with milk, it’s all a bit to bottley. Even when we thought we’d solved that issue we ended up with pointy cartons. I know they are good for finding homeless children and all that but they are a bit sharp and 80s comedians used to go on about how you couldn’t open them without milk exploding everywhere and then it went off. Even those little round things are just a bit too gay. What we want is the portability of those little bags of sugar but with all the opening pain of those ketchup sachets. Get this for a clincher, these portable little sticks, we won’t sell them, we’ll only have them in the cafe where their portability will be useless. Quick Brian, crank up the cardboard triangle machine, we need to shout this from the rooftops.”

Sainburys, that’s who.