Will it snow this year the bookies ponder?
No, no it won’t.
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Category: Inane Banter
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Advent 2009 – Day 20
There’s easy listening then there’s comatose listening. Christmas time is Foster and Allen time.
What do Foster and Allen do for the rest of the year?
I reckon they are held in stasis until next Christmas when they are wheeled out again to wander fields singing folk dirge.
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Advent 2009 – Day 19
Another day closer to the day each year when the telly bosses throw in the white towel and admit they have been sitting on their arses for another year and still haven’t found any better family entertainment than Shirley Bassey getting her foot stuck in a step and having to wear a boot.
That and Andre Preview.
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Advent 2009 – Day 18
It’s round about now that the vicars start appearing on “Thought for the day” bleating on about how in todays consumer culture we should remember Jesus and the true meaning of Christmas.
Funny they never mention the true meaning was closer to a load of naked pagans rolling around in mud to give thanks to some earth goddess for not letting them starve during the winter months.
That they stole.
And now Coca Cola has stolen it from them.
Cry me a river.
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Another Doris Arrives
Another Doris of far too high a quality. Have proper Doris cards gone the way of flimsy card advent calendars?
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Advent 2009 – Day 17
Dante missed a circle of hell. This circle comprises row after row after row of desks. Each desk is home to a couple, the couple are filling in Christmas cards. Christmas cards to distant friends, people they met on holiday, the auntie who smells of wee, old bosses and the vicar they lied to when they wanted to use his church for the wedding.
There are two pens, one is an old bic with next to no ink that only works for 0.2 seconds at a time. The other is an ancient fountain pen with a nib that has a mind of it’s own.
Half the friends may have moved in the past year.
The other half have separated.
The stamps are of the old type that you have to lick.
The envelopes are all slightly too small for the cards.
Each envelope will deliver a paper cut.
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Advent 2009 – Day 16
Royal Mail brightened my day today when this landed on my doorstep.
Click the image to see the large version.
The card and envelope came in a little plastic bag from Royal Mail apologising for the damage. The key sentence is
If you think any of the items are missing or damaged
Well Royal Mail now you come to mention it,
I THINK THE BOTTOM RIGHT HAND CORNER OF THE CARD IS MISSING YOU DOZY TWATS
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Advent 2009 – Day 15
Ah the Christmas film season. In these days of DVDs, P2P film stealing, postal film services etc it’s easy to forget that not so long ago Christmas was the time when most of us got to watch films that had been released in the past 3 – 5 years time.
I was reminded of this as a sat watching the bluray of robocop complete with the getting his hand shot scene and unbleeped “bad motherfucker.”
The 12 year old me wouldn’t have believed his eyes. Until he saw the melty bloke getting hit by the car and seeing how fat the future him had turned out, then he would have had nightmares.
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Doris Update
Two received today.
Both are technically Doris cards but they are fairly weak examples. The photos are far too high quality, the cards are made from sturdy card and they are for charities you would have heard of. They are almost normal cards.
When did all cards become charity cards? It used to be all cards were purely to remind family members that you hadn’t died in the past year. Then a few mentioned charity and they were the deeply religious ones. Now all cards seem to donate 0.00000000000000001% of the profits to charity.
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Advent 2009 – Day 14
Christmas truly is a time for unwanted knitted goods.
Look at him sniffing the hat, do you think people can get turned on by knitting?
This is the internet, of course they can!