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Inane Banter

Flicking Cars Over for Fun and Profit

There were some special visitors at my local gym last week. There was a heat of the UK’s Strongest Man taking place nearby over the weekend and they were all in the cafe area. It made my workout seem futile as I wheeled around the corner to be confronted by about ten brick shithouses all gathered together chatting about nutrition.

In many ways watching the World’s Strongest Man is like accidentally flicking onto one of those preview programmes for a porn channel after the other half has gone to bed. It’s too loud, the best are Scandinavian and it’s ultimately pointless but at least you get to see some huge tits wobbling about.

As I left the gym I noticed the wives loading the luggage onto the tour bus.

Categories
Inane Banter

Debbie Does Downing Street

I don’t pay much attention to politicians, I find it only encourages them. Jacqui Smith caught my attention today however and it’s not just her daft spelling of her first name. It turns out her husband has been watching grumbleflicks at our expense.

I would have been outraged but I was watching the news out of the corner of my eye in a reception area. It was Sky news and it had the news ticker along the bottom of the screen. The man was talking through the details of the story but the ticker was summarising the details of the second home scandal. Due to the scant details and my lack of attention I linked the dirty movies with the figure of £116,000 scrolling along the bottom of the screen.

I was upset about the minister’s husband wasting our money on smut but then I thought, fuck me, anyone committed enough to one-handed entertainment to blow over £100,000 on it deserves a round of applause. Let’s face it their gnarled hands are probably incapable of clapping themselves. For that sort of money I’d expect to see Debbie doing the whole city of Dallas and not just the football team.

As punishment Mr and Mrs Smith should repay the debt to us by being forced to star in their own home porn movie. “Oh you like that don’t you? I’m going to take you right round your second home you dirty minx.”