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Advent

Advent 2010 – Days 15 and 16

News 15th December – It’s going to snow. Danger.
News 16th – Oh my God it’s snowing!
News 17th – Chaos, we’re going to die!
It’s snowmagedon people!

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Advent

Advent 2010 – Days 12, 13, 14

No, the party didn’t kill me. I’ve been too busy doing things to actually post anything. Treat this post like when you go away for the weekend and come back to find you can now eat three chocolates instead of one.

It’s still cheap and nasty plus you’ll feel a bit sick afterwards.

One thing I have been doing is putting up the Christmas decorations. Tree, card holder, stockings, little ornaments etc. All fine and then out comes the tinsel. Why do we bother with it? It just cheapens everything. If you were to drape the Mona Lisa with a bit of tinsel I swear it’d turn into the Athena poster of the tennis player scratching her arse. It’d turn Michelangelo’s David into the plastic butcher you get outside their shops, the Sistine Chapel roof into a bit of Artexing and Tracey Emin’s “My Bed” into Tracey Emin’s “My Bed” with a bit of tinsel.

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Advent

Advent 2010 – Day Eleven

Ouch.

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Advent

Advent 2010 – Day Ten

Sorry, Mr Fatuous is on his Work’s Christmas Do at the moment. If you’d like to leave a message he’ll get back to you as soon as he can.

Sunday probably.

He’s not as young as he used to be.

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Advent

Advent 2010 – Day Nine

If there is one thing writing this set of advent posts has taught me, it’s that there is no limit to the number of times I can type Chrsitmas rather than Christmas.

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Advent 2010 – Day Eight

(Ho Ho Ho) Jolly Fellow Search rpt RC (S)

2010-12-25 00:15:00

DE 25 conducting cordon search operation in Lapland reported receiving PRSNT fire from a BG RD SNTA. FF returned fire. No casualties or damage reported. Light covering in snow and tinsel. Mince pies and sherry missing.

Update 1219D*
SNTA broke contact. NFTR.

***Event closed 1219D*



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Advent

Advent 2010 – Day Seven

Who decided that “carrot and stick” was a good way to represent reward and punishment? Even in deepest, darkest Soviet Russia a carrot wouldn’t be seen as a very good reward. It’s only a tiny step up from a “non-stick and stick” reward.

Surely “nice chocolate cake and gun” would be better or to take it to it’s extreme, “a gazillion quid and death by tiny, horny sharks with STDs”.

Wait, it’s erm, an advent post, erm… What about a “hand wrapped gold bar and tinsel covered stick up the arse” situation, would that do?

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Advent

Advent 2010 – Day Six

Oi Jona Lewie, fuck off out of my head.

Dub a dubba dub dub indeed

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Advent 2010 – Day Five

I love Christmas movies. Not watching them you understand, oh no.

I like to paw through the one copy of the Radio Times I buy a year. I then carefully study the film schedules to pick out the choicest films and set the PVR to record them. In the old days it required a bank of video cassettes but the results were the same. At the end of Christmas I’d have between five and ten films.

Then a year later I’d delete said films as I hadn’t bothered watching them in the whole year but needed to free up space for this years films.

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Advent

Advent 2010 – Day Four

To the girlfriend of the gentlemen I saw today, nothing says I love you like running out of a chemists as fast as you can with with a stolen shower gel gift set under your arm. You lucky, lucky girl. I hope he stole decent wrapping paper to wrap your gift in.