FatuousNothing says I love the tacky side of Christmas quite like this
I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest the tax payer pays the electricity bills of 90% of “blackpool houses.” I’m sure there are countries that survive on less electricity than some of these houses.
Come on Steve! This time you can make it.
So much bile, so little high ground to stand on to stop it slopping round his ankles.
From The Times of India
Russian professor Evgeny Moskalev of Saint Petersburg Technological University has evolved a technique that allows turning alcohol into powder and packing it in pills. The new technique can solidify any kind of alcohol, including whisky, cognac, wine and beer.
“Dry” vodka can be wrapped in paper and carried around in a pocket or a bag. Vodka in form of a pill would come handy at parties when “consumers” would be able to calculate their exact required dosage.
Firstly is a shot of vodka really that cumbersome that it needs to be made smaller?
Secondly, exact dosage for what? One tablet for squiffy, two for slurring, three to start staggering, four to start loving strangers, five for temporary blindness. Why bother with the social aspect of drinking when you can just pop a few pills and get to the dribbling stage without all that “having fun” first.
Thirdly, does anyone else think that Evgeny might just be an alcoholic who is trying to find a way to get booze past Mrs. Moskalev?
The song of this hairy angel beckons in Christmas time.
That’s right, it’s Noddy Holder fucking the ears of Christmas shoppers once again.
This year I bring terrible news. The credit crunch resulted in the closure of the newsagent I got my crappy advent from last year. I searched high and low to find another shite advent emporium but I couldn’t find one anywhere. Chocolate filled ones were no problem again but this really does seem to be the death of the cheap picture advents. Even the religious bookshop in town that hasn’t seen a new stock delivery since 1974 didn’t have any.
Rather than spend the next 24 days describing poor but identical pieces of chocolate I set myself the rather rash challenge of coming up with a crappy advent picture every day instead.
Rash because I don’t have a lot of spare time, rash because I’m lazy and rash because I’m bound to dry up before day 10 let alone day 24. If you want to help the creative juices just let me know what you think of when you think of Christmas and the build up. I’ll then knock together a hasty photoshop* approximation.
*it’s actually Paint Shop Pro, I’m not made of money or pirates.
I was stuck behind a van on the way home tonight, not just any van, a van working for an exciting company.
EXTREME PARTITIONS
What, I wondered, was an extreme partition. I don’t recall every hearing surfers moaning, “Dude, how are we going to split the surf shack into smaller areas to, like, respect our privacy whilst having gnarly felt surfaces for calendars?”
Maybe the Hulk was setting up an I.T. company and didn’t want his office to get HULK SMASHED!
I came to the conclusion they probably built the Berlin wall, most of the Gaza strip and the “Peace Wall” that separates the Falls and Shankill Roads.
Today’s Belfast Telegraph has an article highlighted on the front page
Are We Guided By Angels?
The article is on page 22 but I, without looking, can help answer their question plus other similar ones.
No, nor demons, no he’d never fit down a chimney, a rabbit isn’t going to hide chocolate eggs, you won’t go blind, yes newspapers did used to try and contain some semblance of fact.
When a crime is committed you often see the neighbours of the criminal interviewed by the local news channel.
He was ever so quiet. You never think he’d do such a thing.
He’d never hurt a fly.
However even Columbo couldn’t have dragged this one out for the full hour.
Ex-mayor Ian Stafford charged with stealing women’s underwear
It’s hard to think of a face that looks more likely to steal knickers.
If you asked a class of 4 year olds what a pant thief would look like they would scribble a stick-man with that face.
A policeman asked to pick the most grundie-stealing feature for each part from his identikit box would construct that face.
If a photo of that face were fired into space, six million years from now a crystal based life-form would look at it’s unfamiliar shape and deduce it was from a creature that took undercrackers without permission.
To be honest it’s the mayor part that I find more shocking than the pant stealing.
Why on earth or we still waiting for results as to whether Caster Semenya is a man or not?
Have the testers never seen Crocodile Dundee?
Or they could try the advanced test where they throw a ball at him/her/misc
Calmly catch – Man
Flap about like a lolly sucking child in the middle of a swarm of wasps – Woman